Wednesday, November 24, 2010

the big cut

I've heard of  many women scheduling  c-sections, that they prefer it over natural child birth. 
Some have said  because they know exactly when to expect their baby. "It's an in and out" one mother told me.  Unless absolutely necessary, why opt for an operation in a cold sterile room, where you can't hold your baby, are completely lifeless from the waist down, and later  drugged, and pass out  for  hours?  ( hmmm. that last part sounds kind of appealing.)

Unfortunately i have no idea what natural child birth is but,  i do now know a thing about the c-section. 

The word Cesarean comes from the same root as the Latin verb caedo, which means to cut "  

Oh and cut they do! I was definitely not prepared for it. Any of it.... 
Labor for me never really started on it's own, so the nights i spent wondering or worrying if and when my water would break were useless.   All the questions possible run through your head long it would take us to rush to the hospital? where would i be when it happened?   should i pack my bags? should we keep them in the car? (and at a certain point we did
Did i  pack right ? Did we forget anything? I went over the scene in my mind- till the day we drove ourselves in to the hospital to be induced.... Lewis was 10 days late already and no more waiting- this was it.

So on Sunday June 6th we checked if into a hotel,  except we had a car seat with us!!!!! YAYE!!! I was excited I was gonna do this! I was convinced on trying as much as possible to do this as natural as possible. U huh, little did i know.  They placed what they called "tampons" to help my cervix dilate.   I had contractions all night Sunday overnight Monday and still when morning came no changes, we weren't advancing. So another attempt, and more contractions.  I went for walks, tried to eat, took baths (the hot baths were great)  by the afternoon they decided on petosin, (a drug i think should be given to horses really, it's the devil) they upped my dose every 1/2 hour, and still nothing , they broke my water ( the only feeling of some sort of relief really)   and still nothing and the contractions continued, I knew what I was going through with all that petosin in my system, i didn't even want to think of the effects it was having on my baby.  It was cruel, I stuck through it , really I don't think I would have made it then, without my husband and my Douala, Francine. ( thanks guys)
The two of them were amazing and we all worked together as a team and still nothing.

Labor, is one of the most painful things you'll ever feel, but really (and i don't tolerate pain really well)  it's do-able, because it comes in waves, so when it hits you it's rough.   Sway side to side, rock and breathe, deep breaths, and  right when you think oh my god this is crazy I can't - it passes.   Its over for a while, and you relax and gather your strength, never thinking for a moment,  at the next one. (that's the trick)
It's  like I've said before tackle things one at a time.   And let go,  Labor is all about letting go
Well eventually I had to let go.... let go of the idea of doing this without medication, after 2o hours of intense labor i asked for medical help. The epidural.   I really did  everything in my power not to but my body was shutting down,  it worked too hard- for too long .  So finally i gave in, before my body would give out. Still hours later nothing. Finally the next day the doctor decided that the only way was a c-section.  I was prepped for surgery, physically, 
mentally,  I would have never been prepared.  After 28hours in labor, I was wheeled into an operating room.   I was tied sort of like on a crucifix, arms spread out on either end, and a sheet right where your collar bone is  so you see nothing (and if your claustrophobic like me, you can't breathe) but i looked  over to one side where my husband sat.  Within minutes Lewis was born, what an overwhelming feeling! The baby is checked and bundled and shipped off to the nursery with dad, while you get put back together, and then knocked out.  For what seems like FOREVER.  
I awoke from the best sleep i had in months ( what drug is that anyways?)  it was  painful -  moving around  is difficult.   With the incision being in the lower abdomen ,  even getting to sit up in bed was excruciating! But they give you pain killers,  they cut pain but also constipate. No one tells you.  Oh and the epidural also constipates, not to mention the anesthesia they give you for the surgery constipates, (nope no one said a word)
Put them together and no prune juice in the world can get you outta this jam.

Sitting up is a big deal!
Sitting down is a big deal!
Getting out of bed is a big deal!
Walking to the bathroom is a big deal!
Taking a shower is a big deal!
Taking a shit is a big deal!
Not seeing my baby for 2 hours after he was born WAS A BIG DEAL! 

Why would any woman willingly ask for a c-section is beyond me.



  1. GREAT post Laura!!! I had a good laugh while getting a very clear picture of what went on! Talk about STRENGTH!!! You are AMAZING!!! Beautiful energy for you and FAMILY!!!:):):)xoxooxoxox

  2. thanks d,
    too awhile to comes to terms with it, totally opposite of my idea of child birth, but i have beautiful lewis now and that's all that matters!!!!